Mothers’ Voices

“Mothers around the world today are often trapped in untenable situations where they have the entire legal system weaponized against them if they try to protect their kids. Angels of Paradise delves into the flaws of the criminal justice system and the quest for moral and spiritual justice.”

“When I finally found the courage to leave with my children, I hoped for safety (…) instead I was met with the machinery of the Hague Child Abduction Convention”

Watch Svetlana Balac’s testimony, presented on September 12 at our Safeguarding Survivors webinar.

“Behind every case number is a child who deserves safety.”

Watch Jewel Lazaro’s testimony, presented on September 12 at our Safeguarding Survivors webinar.

‘I write to you not as a legal expert, but as a mother—a mother who has been stripped of everything that once gave her life meaning. A mother whose only “crime” was to flee domestic abuse to protect her young children, and who has been punished ever since for doing just that.

My story is not unique, but it is devastating. It is one of hundreds—maybe thousands—of mothers who are suffering under the misapplication of the Hague Convention, used not to protect, but to persecute; not to serve justice, but to prolong abuse. 

In June 2023, I fled with my children—then only one and three years old—to Ireland, seeking safety, stability, and healing. Their father had shown little to no interest in them after separation, he did that which can never be forgiven, with the help of the court, he separated his own children. After this happened, my heart was breaking seeing my children forced to grow up separately and I made the toughest decision I could, I decided to flee Germany to ensure that my children grow up together in Ireland. Dogs in Germany should not be separated as they are herd animals, but children can. He had never been the consistent presence they needed. I had been their world—their sole full-time caregiver, their comfort, their safety net. For years, I endured psychological and emotional violence, incidents that required police intervention multiple times while I still lived with him. I stayed in two women’s refuges in Germany—twice confirmed as a victim of domestic violence—yet these truths as well as the fact that the father stole and hid our daughter’s passport before I fled with the children into a women’s refuge were silenced in court.

When the Hague application was filed against me, everything I had done to protect my children was twisted into an act of wrongdoing. The court proceedings were inhumane. There was no assessment of the emotional, psychological, or physical consequences of separating such young children from their mother. No weight was given to the fact that the children were already deeply settled in their new country, had started to thrive, and were surrounded by love and care.

Their father—who had not seen them in half a year—only arranged his first physical access visit in December 2023. Still, the court ordered their return.

Worse still, my legal aid barrister, the one person meant to stand up for my side, used language so weak that even the judge remarked on it. When I appealed the decision, I had to stand completely alone—self-represented—against three judges, while my ex stood there with a full legal team, solicitor, barrister, legal secretary, and interpreter. That was the moment I realized that there is no justice. There is no equality before the law. Not for women like me.

Since their return to Germany, my children—now barely three and five—are allowed to see me for two hours, twice a month, under strict supervision in a room. I’m not allowed to take them outside, not even for an ice cream. I am not allowed to speak to them in our native languages—Ukrainian or English. The very fabric of their identity is being erased. I get one 30-minute video call per week with them, where the father regularly insults and abuses me in front of the children.

The damage to them is visible. They display signs of reactive attachment disorder (RAD) which has been reported to the court by the German youth welfare office(Jugendamt). They are confused. They are hurt. They are being raised in an environment where emotional violence continues and access to their maternal family—my parents, siblings, grandmother, all in Ireland—is denied. They haven’t seen any of them since the father collected them in June 2024.

And yet—despite documented evidence of abuse, despite the statements from women’s shelters, despite texts, despite confirmation from a previous girlfriend of the father’s similar psychological abuse—despite everything—the courts chose to strip me of custody and guardianship in October last year. As punishment. As a message.

The police reports I filed were closed without investigation. My voice? Silenced. My children’s voices? Never even asked to speak.

The Hague Convention, in my case, and so many others, has been weaponized against victim-survivors. Instead of offering protection, it has handed us back to our abusers with the full support of the state. It has robbed children of the one person who nurtured them every single day of their lives and called it “justice.”

The interim orders in my case are continually extended, blocking me from ever appealing or seeking resolution. I have been told I will never be able to bring my children back to Ireland. That justice will never be served in Germany.

Where is the best interest of the child in this?

Please understand this: the Hague Convention, when applied without nuance, without compassion, and without trauma-informed practices, destroys lives. It does not serve justice. It serves power. And it empowers those who seek to continue controlling, harming, and breaking the very people it was meant to protect.

I ask not only for your attention but for your humanity. Let us re-examine the systems we have built. Let us make sure that the rights of mothers and the safety of children are no longer the collateral damage of legal convenience.

With heartbreak, but also with hope,

A mother of two beautiful children who are still waiting to come home.’

This account is by Anita Gera.

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In 2013 – 2014 I lived in my home country of the UK for eleven and a half months, essentially as a single mother with my two children. We had moved back with their African-American father’s permission. He was a commercial pilot so provided our tickets, encouraged me to rent a house and put our children in school. He even visited us several times. My children settled well into life in the UK, seeing family several times a week, joining the local cricket team, tae kwon do classes and drama club. Both children were born in Germany and are fortunate to hold German, British and American citizenship. I’m half Indian, so we celebrated Holi, Diwali, and Christmas every year as well as Thanksgiving and Independence Day. Life was good.

Then I was told that Hague proceedings were about to begin.

Our Hague case was heard in London; my solicitor was from a major firm and recognised as an expert in Hague cases. Unfortunately, she was never present in court with me but sent a junior solicitor, trainees, and, on one occasion, a 6th form work-experience student. I was represented by three or four different barristers so there was no consistency and none had the opportunity or indeed interest in really getting to know my case. I watched them shake hands and chat with my ex. At the time he was banned from the town I lived in and from contacting me or coming within a certain distance of me, apart of course from in court. This was because he had been arrested on a charge of raping me.

A CAFCASS officer spent an hour with my children towards the beginning of the case and the same officer spent another hour with them before a later hearing. He told the court that ‘these are American children who should be with their American father’, ignoring the rest of their entire rich and diverse heritage.

On the advice of my solicitor, I agreed to return voluntarily to the USA. However, it took two attempts as my children refused to go. They barricaded themselves in a bedroom, shouting and screaming until my 9-year-old son passed out. His words will linger forever in my memory: ‘I’d rather die than return to America’.

The judge in her wisdom issued an Order of Protection for me to take to the USA, and obtained Undertakings from my ex. These included: a promise to stay away from me physically; to not be at the airport when we landed; to provide accommodation for me and my children; to have a vehicle for us to use; and, critically, not to file anything with family court before we landed – so that I would have sufficient time to find an attorney to represent me – and not to remove the children from my custody.

However: he was at the airport; I never saw any accommodation; it took 10 days and several hundred dollars to get my car back from where he had parked it at the airport; I was due in court around 18 hours after landing (but did not know this it was too late); and my children were removed from me less than 72 hours after landing.

The family court judge in the USA awarded him everything he asked for – as she explained to me the next day, when I had to represent myself, this was because I had not attended the first hearing. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t known about it. I was told to return to court for the third hearing and to bring my children. On this third day, less than 72 hours after we had arrived, they were taken from me, ‘given’ to their father and the Order of Protection I had was summarily quashed.

The US judge had no understanding of the Hague Abduction Convention, yet she berated me for not understanding the US court system and accused me of alienating the father of my children. When I asked for a Guardian ad Litem as advised by a domestic violence advocate, I was mocked and told this was the wrong term, that in this state it was a ‘Best Interest Attorney’. The judge insisted that it was my own fault for not appearing in court on first day. I was told to pay for immediate Intensive Family Therapy, and to ‘beg, borrow or steal as necessary’ to fund this, ‘otherwise you will suffer the consequences’. I was repeatedly told that I would suffer/pay for not doing the ‘right thing’ and that I was a flight risk – despite returning my children voluntarily.

The judge’s final decision awarded us shared parental rights, with my children to reside with their father. I have visitation rights and the children are to be with me for all school holidays, a total of 12 weeks per year, in the USA. Alternatively, if I provide a $20K bond to the court, they can visit me in the UK. The judge told me to ‘return to the UK and get a good job’ that would allow me to spend 12 weeks per year in the USA, providing accommodation, food and entertainment for my children as well as ensuring we have use of a vehicle – Arizona is not a place to not have a car; I would also need healthcare, phones… so many additional costs. I was also ordered to pay child support to their
father who promptly moved them out of the house they knew to a large new home complete with swimming pool; this was bought for cash, no mortgage required.

I returned to the UK in the summer of 2015 as I had way of remaining in the USA: no income, no healthcare, no job history or credit score in the US, and no family support.

And no children.

For over eight years, I and my family have only seen my children online. I was on Universal Credit for four years; I had no way of paying child support and couldn’t afford to visit the US again. Their father quickly said that he would not allow our children to visit me in the UK and stopped all communication with me in October 2016.

I am now over eight years behind with child support payments – this is an imprisonable debt in the US, as my attorney warned me many years ago. My father died without having seen his grandchildren for the last 6 years of his life, my children will never see their grandfather again. My mother is in a care home with Alzheimer’s, hoping she will survive long enough to see her grandchildren once more. My nephew has photos of playing with his cousins when he was just a year old but has no memory of them. And I have only had virtual contact with my children since I was forced to leave the US in 2015. Simple things for most parents, such as choosing hair products, cooking together – we can only share virtually.

My children have grown up with random live-in girlfriends who came and went, then annual au pairs – their father is still a pilot so is out of state for most of each week. But they do not have to suffer a foreign mother, one who tried to keep them safe in the UK, so the court is satisfied.

My ex-husband once threatened that if I ever did anything against him, he would make sure I never saw my kids again. He’s kept his promise.

In October last year 23 people sat down to lunch at my house. To celebrate Diwali. The celebration of the victory of good over evil. It should have been 25.

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Anita Gera is a Hague mother who now works to raise awareness of the Convention to help ensure that fewer children are affected by this trauma. She believes that knowing about the Hague Convention and how it can decimate families, causing lifelong trauma, is the first step in avoiding it. On her return to the UK, she co-founded the charity GlobalARRK, resigning in 2017. Last year she and another Hague mother co-founded the non-profit Hague Explained CIC, working to mitigate trauma in international families and to raise awareness of the inequities of the Hague Convention.

Read Constanza’s story, as told to HM member Louise Godbold.

Even before my estranged husband invoked the Hague Convention, this country, in very real sense, became my prison. Travel to see my family in Wales was deemed ‘too costly’, or ‘not convenient’ and so I only returned a few times within the seven years of being here. This was made more difficult as I became a stay-at-home parent to look after my autistic daughter. Since being brought back here via the Hague Convention, it has become even more difficult to see family, or indeed to travel anywhere.

Abusers isolate, and the constant heartache of being away from family and friends has been like mourning their deaths. 

Before coming here I was a Head of Languages in a secondary school. It was well paid. Due to now being a carer, having young children who would need childcare, and being trapped by the means test for legal aid, I have lost a thriving career. Without legal aid, I would get into terrible debt as my estranged husband – whilst failing to turn up to court for access hearing – also threatens legal abuse against me, citing parental alienation. Even when he fails to appear, I still have to pay for representation. The one court session he did come to was to try to stop me travelling using the Hague as ‘proof’ that I will ‘abduct the children’. 

The last time I wished to travel home, I had to pay a solicitor the equivalent of almost £900 and had to rely on financial help from my parents to pay for the cost of the journey as the little money I had was used up on the legal fees.

My circumstances mean that even though I would dearly love to return home, so that we could all be near my family and support networks, I cannot. The courts I’m sure, would not be so lenient if I attempted to return a second time and I cannot afford the cost of a High Court civil action to make my case for returning with the children. My husband fails to pay any maintenance towards the upkeep of our children and continues to weaponise them, extending access times using my daughter as a go-between. 

I fear that freedom from his abuse may never come. If there are children involved, abusers know that they can still manipulate and control our lives through the legal system, finances, and the children themselves.

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Jessica’s story

Most people are aware that domestic violence and abuse isolates the victim-survivor. Few understand, however, the ways by which the court system is complicit in perpetuating the isolation, especially after separation. For victims and their children who have family residing across international borders, the threat of the Hague Convention, or intimidation through local and national courts, stymies access to relatives who are usually their key or only means of support. 

A small example: last year my ex-partner agreed but then withdrew consent for my two children and me to visit family abroad, right before our departure. I was forced to file an emergency motion in the courts (costing approximately £1600) or pay for new flights for the three of us. He did this simply because he knew it would cause pain and havoc, and because it fell just below the line of ‘legal abuse’, meaning he would face no repercussions. 

This behaviour follows a pattern. Three years ago he accused me of child abduction when I applied for permission to temporarily reside abroad with my children (this was in relation to a short-term freelance project). The case went through the courts, with the decision being made in my favour. However, fighting the case cost me over £18,000 in legal fees that I had no means to pay; a clear case of forced debt. 

One of the most debilitating aspect of this abuse is the extent to which it is condoned and facilitated (often wittingly) by the courts. In a twisted way, this makes perfect business sense: these lawsuits involve many players – lawyers, family assessors, guardians – who are as eager as anyone to cash-in.