One Mother’s Heartbreak: a letter to the Hague
‘I write to you not as a legal expert, but as a mother—a mother who has been stripped of everything that once gave her life meaning. A mother whose only “crime” was to flee domestic abuse to protect her young children, and who has been punished ever since for doing just that.
My story is not unique, but it is devastating. It is one of hundreds—maybe thousands—of mothers who are suffering under the misapplication of the Hague Convention, used not to protect, but to persecute; not to serve justice, but to prolong abuse.
In June 2023, I fled with my children—then only one and three years old—to Ireland, seeking safety, stability, and healing. Their father had shown little to no interest in them after separation, he did that which can never be forgiven, with the help of the court, he separated his own children. After this happened, my heart was breaking seeing my children forced to grow up separately and I made the toughest decision I could, I decided to flee Germany to ensure that my children grow up together in Ireland. Dogs in Germany should not be separated as they are herd animals, but children can. He had never been the consistent presence they needed. I had been their world—their sole full-time caregiver, their comfort, their safety net. For years, I endured psychological and emotional violence, incidents that required police intervention multiple times while I still lived with him. I stayed in two women’s refuges in Germany—twice confirmed as a victim of domestic violence—yet these truths as well as the fact that the father stole and hid our daughter’s passport before I fled with the children into a women’s refuge were silenced in court.
When the Hague application was filed against me, everything I had done to protect my children was twisted into an act of wrongdoing. The court proceedings were inhumane. There was no assessment of the emotional, psychological, or physical consequences of separating such young children from their mother. No weight was given to the fact that the children were already deeply settled in their new country, had started to thrive, and were surrounded by love and care.
Their father—who had not seen them in half a year—only arranged his first physical access visit in December 2023. Still, the court ordered their return.
Worse still, my legal aid barrister, the one person meant to stand up for my side, used language so weak that even the judge remarked on it. When I appealed the decision, I had to stand completely alone—self-represented—against three judges, while my ex stood there with a full legal team, solicitor, barrister, legal secretary, and interpreter. That was the moment I realized that there is no justice. There is no equality before the law. Not for women like me.
Since their return to Germany, my children—now barely three and five—are allowed to see me for two hours, twice a month, under strict supervision in a room. I’m not allowed to take them outside, not even for an ice cream. I am not allowed to speak to them in our native languages—Ukrainian or English. The very fabric of their identity is being erased. I get one 30-minute video call per week with them, where the father regularly insults and abuses me in front of the children.
The damage to them is visible. They display signs of reactive attachment disorder (RAD) which has been reported to the court by the German youth welfare office(Jugendamt). They are confused. They are hurt. They are being raised in an environment where emotional violence continues and access to their maternal family—my parents, siblings, grandmother, all in Ireland—is denied. They haven’t seen any of them since the father collected them in June 2024.
And yet—despite documented evidence of abuse, despite the statements from women’s shelters, despite texts, despite confirmation from a previous girlfriend of the father’s similar psychological abuse—despite everything—the courts chose to strip me of custody and guardianship in October last year. As punishment. As a message.
The police reports I filed were closed without investigation. My voice? Silenced. My children’s voices? Never even asked to speak.
The Hague Convention, in my case, and so many others, has been weaponized against victim-survivors. Instead of offering protection, it has handed us back to our abusers with the full support of the state. It has robbed children of the one person who nurtured them every single day of their lives and called it “justice.”
The interim orders in my case are continually extended, blocking me from ever appealing or seeking resolution. I have been told I will never be able to bring my children back to Ireland. That justice will never be served in Germany.
Where is the best interest of the child in this?
Please understand this: the Hague Convention, when applied without nuance, without compassion, and without trauma-informed practices, destroys lives. It does not serve justice. It serves power. And it empowers those who seek to continue controlling, harming, and breaking the very people it was meant to protect.
I ask not only for your attention but for your humanity. Let us re-examine the systems we have built. Let us make sure that the rights of mothers and the safety of children are no longer the collateral damage of legal convenience.
With heartbreak, but also with hope,
A mother of two beautiful children who are still waiting to come home.’
